Too late

You realised too late.
If only you knew before you opened your lips,
that what you were asking of me was too much.
But I was the one that gave up something important for you.
I knew what I was losing.
You were only thinking of the finish line,
Not caring how you get there and who you hurt along the way.
And I was too weak to find an escape from your handcuffs.
It hurts that you're only starting to grasp the situation now.
You're just a little too late.
Nothing can return to how they were.
But it's better that you're late than never at all.

Hell

She says, I gave life to you so I can take it away.
That if I told you to sacrifice your life for me,
you should readily throw it away.
You should die for me and it wouldn't be wrong.

I don't know how to reply when you say that.
I am trapped in a room with a double edged sword.
I am damned if I don't and damned if I do.
Either way, I will be going to Hell.

I'm so exhausted; my bed is my only escape.
Wake me up when the world is sane again.
Or don't wake me up at all.

Losing battle

I said that you shouldn't get used to disappointment;
But I've lost count how many times things didn't go our way.
I try to find the positives in these storm clouds but,
It's so hard to fight for a future that is so hard to see.
And that's what breaks my heart the most.
Because I really wanted this to work,
But we're only going to deteriorate.
And we'll hurt more than we do now.
I'm sorry.

Blah is the only word close to description

Every day is the same. Today follows the same patterns as the day before and the day before that.
I hate how mundane everything has become. I hate how cold it is. There is no warmth found anywhere.
Every night I sleep late because my mind is always restless. I try to put my feelings into words, secretly waiting for someone to help me. Because I don't know how to talk to my friends about problems. I feel bad for interrupting their good day with my depressing words.

But, no one understands the messages written in the lines. They think its just pretty poetry.
Let me make it clear: I am not that great as a writer. I just write what I feel because that's the only way I can express myself.

Today, someone said she wanted to help me by talking about my troubles. I wish it was that easy. I don't even know why I'm like this. How do I ask for help when I don't understand why everything is so boring? Everything is so mundane, so lifeless, so...so...Blah. Blah is the closest to describing how I feel.

The other day, my parents gave away the only constant in my life: My pet dog Yuki. Her name means snow in Japanese. I was learning Japanese when I got her and thought that the name suited her because Yuki is white and fragile as snow. Now, she really is like her name because snow always melts away and disappear out of my grasps.

Someone said that I didn't fight hard enough to keep Yuki. I felt like crying when he said that (funny how its always boys that make me cry). Its not true. I fought for years. My parents have been trying to get rid of her for around 2 years. I only let go this time because I felt that I needed to. My parents are leasing spare rooms in our house for people to live in. We need the money and my parents couldn't afford for Yuki to bother our future house mates. As the eldest daughter, I feel that I have never made any sacrifices for my family. This is the only thing I could do. But I'm glad at least that Yuki is going to a well off family that could take better care of her than I can. Also, my mother said that after we pay off our house, we could get Yuki back.

So its not good bye forever. But still, I'm lonely without my tiny fluff ball. She was my only light in this world of falling darkness. I miss her....

P.s. Sorry for my long rant

                                         (Above: Yuki after an hour of bathing and blow drying)

                                           (Above: Yuki and me. Yuki with a weird face.)

                                           (Above and below: Yuki sleeping on my brother)

                                           (Above: Yuki after Dad cut her fur. Yuki is my light.)

Forget Me Not

There is a short tale that goes with these little blue flowers and I'm sorry that it is slightly depressing. Long ago, a knight and his beautiful lover were walking by a river. The knight loves his lady very much and wanted to find something lovely to give her. Just so happens, he discovers some sweet blue flowers by the river's edge and decided to pluck them for his lover. However, while picking those flowers, he slips into the river and drowns by the weight of his armour but before dying he threw the flowers to his lover.

His last words were: " Forget me not !!"

On a similar topic, I recently started reading this manga series called Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. This manga, I believe is a must read for believers in true love and true strength. It's a story of a long struggling journey of many dimensions and worlds to recover the memories of a love one. But the price is high to have the aid to travel dimensions and the price for the protagonist is his most precious possession. To him the most precious thing is the actual relationship between him and his most important person.

So in the end, even if he can recover her memories and save her life, she will never remember him. . .

To me, that would be devastating but I think it would take a lot of determination, patience and love to do such a thing but than again, there is no price on true love.

I believe that doing something like that would be very difficult and truly heartbreaking because no matter what, no matter who you are, everyone wants to be remembered by their most important person. Because, you want to be someone significant in their life as they are in yours.