Scapegoat

Remember the boy I met during my university's information session? I finally found out his name. He introduced himself to our orientation group but for legal reasons or plain politeness I will call him P.N. until I come up with a suitable nick name. So during the orientation, I discovered that he is also doing history. I was quietly smiling, thinking: There will be someone I know in History.

But I came late to my first history lecture because the shuttle bus was full and I had to wait for the next one. When class finished, he walked out with a new friend and I did not.

I realise that I am indeed interested in him but I don't think I should rush into any relationship until I know that I am over my guitarist for sure. I know I over think things too much for my age but honestly I don't anything about the guy but I'm interested about him. Why?

Maybe, I already know the truth. The first time I saw him, I thought: P.N reminds me of him. . .
His hairstyle is slightly similar and the way they dress are similar. They both like history. His voice is soft too but a bit deeper. But in a way, P.N is different. He has a shiny ring on his left lobe. But that is all I know for now.I don't want to love someone or give illusion of love because he is a reminder.

But somehow, I had already unconsciously given him a role in my life. Please, make me forget. Take me away. Please be my scapegoat. We haven't talked to each other since that day but we are in the same history and behavioural science lectures. However, because of the population in each lecture it is hard to pick him out among the others. There hasn't been any chance to talk to him and get to know him. I want more differences.

I want him to be my escape though I know it is unfair. Today, he was late to our Behavioural Science lecture. He walked straight passed me as my heart thundered inside (something it hasn't done in a while) and plopped himself down next to a girl I saw walking with him the other day. My heart sank for the first time in ages.

Its unfair to press my hopes on some poor unknowing guy. But I just want to find someone that is entirely for me. I want someone who would say: I was born to say I love you.
I am too greedy?