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Monday, February 15, 2010

Truthfully. . .(Confessions)

I think that I may love the idea of being in love more than the actual act.
I think that maybe. . .Maybe, I don't really know what love is.
I think that sometimes, I think too much.

Sometimes, I know myself too well but sometimes I don't understand at all.
Sometimes, I hate understanding myself because there is nothing I can do.

I'm scared that if I'm not remembered its as though I never existed.
I'm scared that if I don't feel love, I will become nothing.
I'm scared that my feelings will become nothing but memory.
I'm scared that nothing will matter at all.

Truthfully, I am not as good as people think I am.
I sometimes have bad or impure thoughts too.
I sometimes swear but mostly in my head.
Truthfully, I find it a burden to live up to people's expectations.
I'm not an angel so why must I act like one?
I'm not stone, I can be angered.
I sometimes want to punch people too.
Truthfully, I just want to be me.
But I'm scared that people won't accept me.
Truthfully, I'm uncomfortable with myself.
So I try to always have my mind occupied.
Because, I don't want to think. . .
Truthfully, I think that's why I like being in love,
in order to think about someone else than myself.
Truthfully, I want to be free

Truthfully, I don't want to be me.


Cheryl said...

Maybe if you tried swearing out loud.
I do it all the time.
Makes me a better person.

Vencora said...


(when i say ditto, i mean i've thought a lot of the same things, except for the part about not swearing outloud and seeming like a nice person. no-one makes that mistake with me after hearing my language, lol.)

Nova said...

I can relate completely to every single one except "I'm not an angel so why must I act like one?". I've given up even trying to act one.

Lovesick Fool said...

@Cheryl: But thats just it; When I do swear out loud, people make a huge fuss about it. What am I, a nun?

@Vencora: I'm generally a nice person but it seems that people confuse me to a saint.

@Nova: I'm tired of expectations but I get upste with myself if I can't live up to them too. Am I strange?

katieleigh said...

I know it's hard, I mean, I can't even do it...but sometimes we are own own worst critic. It's best if you just lay in bed at night and put every negative thought on a floating leaf, then watch it float down stream. That way it can't bring you down. Negative thoughts offer nothing positive, try to fight them.

I sound like a weirdo lol

Lovesick Fool said...

@Katieleigh: Thank you. I'll try it

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