Premature excitement and fear

Have you ever been overwhelmingly enthusiastic about an event, ages before it's occurrence?

That has been me, since the start of October because on the 18th next month it will be my 19th birthday. My last year of being a teenager as next year I will be 20. It made me realise that life is indeed really short. One year I was still in believing the Tooth Fairy and all of a sudden, I have a car, I'm a university student, I'm legally able to drink alcohol and go clubbing. My curfew is no longer 9pm but rather 2am. Things change so much in a span of a few years. Suddenly, I'm an adult.

And that's scary.

Because I'm worried that I'm not ready for the responsibilities or expectations that comes with being an adult. I would have to pay my bills on time and one day move out and live on my own. That would be for an interesting experience since I'm absolutely terrified of being alone at night. I would have to be always on time for work and not sleep in knowing that my mother could just wake me up if I don't hear my alarm. And I can't depend on others to always help me. That at least, I already knew.

And I'm really scared that I'll never look like an adult. I'm scared that I will remain in this eternity like appearance. I don't know why people for many years spend their whole lives searching for the Fountain of Youth or Eternal beauty when to me it is a curse. I have no interest in staying young. I just want to grow old like everyone else. There was a time where I used to hate myself tremendously for this height and for this youthful look but now I'm becoming attached to it. Because of the friends I have, I'm becoming to love myself more and more. Being small means that my friends can carry me around and protect me. Usually as I walk, I'm in the middle of our group of friends and from my viewpoint, it seems as though I'm being safely enclosed by tall guardian angels.

Like mentioned above, my birthday is next month and I'm extremely excited. There will be around 20 friends in my house all packed together in my living room for a massive movie marathon that will last to the next morning (provided that I don't fall asleep). I already have most things planned and half my brain has already gone into celebration mode which is really not good because of my final exams that will take hold early next month.