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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Please come out from where ever you're hiding

It took me a long time to realise this but Adrian has taken the role of a prince. This story was never meant to be a fairytale. So why is Adrian so perfect? I find it so sad that he's so idealistic. Why can't such a man exist in this world? Why doesn't he exist in my life? Where are all the Adrians playing hide-and-seek? I'm so sick of this game.

I'm still wondering around aimlessly, playing trial and error.

And it's so frustrating. It's so damn frustrating that I can't find him. And I'm still young. I know that. But I'm not going to continue being young forever. Tomorrow I turn 19. I'm almost 20. I've almost lived 20 years. If I live to 60 than that's 1/3 of my life. If I live to 80 than its 1/4. I feel that I'm quickly running out of time.

But I don't know where to look. Or if I should just simply sit and wait.
I hate waiting the most. I hate waiting for people. Because I'm scared that they'll never come. And I'll just be standing there. In that little corner, wasting away. That has happened before. So I really hate waiting.
I don't want to be that pathetic lonely little girl. Ever. Again.

People give me sad looks when I talk about Love. I know what it means: She's desperate. They say that it shouldn't matter. That I don't need men to find happiness. But it sounds so disbelieving when the people who are telling me this are already in long committed relationships. Did you know that in psychological studies that there are evidence that people in relationships are more happy than people who are not? That relationships are one of the keys to happiness? Even psychology is backing me up. I can't be wrong.

God. I know that I'm rambling. And that I said that I wouldn't blog about such depressing things again but I don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do. Adrian is based on someone that is real. Now I don't know what to do with him. It's just so damn frustrating. It shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't hurt at all because I said that I wouldn't care. But this time, I actually thought that I had a chance. Now I don't know what to do.

Instead of being a great writer, I'm just simply a very lonely woman.


Ana* said...

Oh pumpkin, You are a great writer!! I can relate. I just turned 21 and sometimes feel as if I might end up waiting my whole life and will become that 60 year old lonely lady living with 7 cats but then I remind myself that I have been given this time to create a better version of me so that I am ready when Mr.Right comes along.

Happy birthday!!!

The Pursuit said...

It will always hurt, even if you try not to care, you will. But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, one day you will find your prince and he will do his best to keep you from hurting ever again.

I just turned 19 a few weeks ago and I still cannot accept that I am as old as my birth certificate says. It feels like I've barely been alive long enough to experience anything, yet 19 years have already gone by.

We spend so much time trying to get older so we can get out into the world that we miss enjoying our formative years, one of my friends has told me that she barely remembers her childhood and that should be one of everyone's fondest memories. The first few years of your life should be spent trying to have fun and NOT trying to grow up prematurely.

Sorry for rambling myself...but I am still in pursuit of the one who will be my "princess" and often times I feel as if I shall never find her.

Vencora said...

i remember thinking very similiar things when i was turning 19.
those boys, those good ones, they're out there. just don't make the same mistake i did and start settling for people who don't treat you how you deserve to be treated.

Philosophia said...

I can relate, only difference is I'm an old lady (22) ;) It's difficult to watch everyone around you find these almost perfect relationships, and feel like you are lagging behind. It is unnerving right now, but take being on your own as an opportunity of self-growth while you wait for Mr. Right to sweep you off your feet. Trust me, when it happens, it'll be worth the wait.

The way I see it, you don't have to search for the right person, because the right person finds you with a little push from fate perhaps. But keep your chin up, you are a beautiful girl, inside and out, and you will find your prince charming when the time is right. :)

Lovesick Fool said...

@Ana: Given time to better myself? I never thought of it that way before. But that is true, I realised. And thank you!! =)
@The Pursuit:Thank you and I hope you find that girl soon.
@Vencora: Thank you. I hope I find him.
@Philosophia: It is indeed difficult but thank you. I think I will use this time for self-growth. I just hope he fins me before I become a wrinkly old lady.

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