Still You

I looked up from my newspaper as you walk passed with her.
For a second, I was lost. I was drowning in memories of last year. And I couldn't surface for air. I was suffocating. But it was only for a second before I regained consciousness and buried myself under my layers of worldly updates. It was too soon. It was too soon. It has been almost a year since the last time I saw you but it was still too soon. I was not ready. I don't think I'll ever be. I won't ever be ready for an awkward half-hour train ride being the third wheel.

I'm sorry.

I closed my eyes as I let the sound of creaking metal wash over me. When I opened my eyes again, the train had already reached my stop. Quickly, I shouldered my bag and raced onto the stairs. I knew you were behind me. You were somewhere in the crowd behind me but I dared not look back. My headphones bellowed in my ears and I was thankful that all I could hear was my own stabbing heart.  I escaped onto my bus with a small triumphant smile, I was safe.

I stared out the window and realised that you were there. No, I knew you were there. I could always feel your presence. It was an innate instinct. You held my eyes as you smiled passed. I couldn't help but smile too. I always smiled when you did. It was a habit. Because I was happy as long as you were happy.

I grinned to myself and forgot why I was hiding from you in the first place. I couldn't believe I wanted to escape from you. When you still made me smile. When you were still the person that enveloped me in warmth. When my heart still beats for you.

You are still special.