Pillar and wall

Dedication: to all the important people in my life. Thank you for always being there even when I went into hiding.

- - - - -

When I was at my lowest, I pushed you away.
I don’t ever want you to see me like that.
Fragile like the paper wings of faeries I see in mirages.
Broken like the crumbs of smashed up porcelain.
Hydrating my soul on shots of tequila.

Sometimes, I picked up my phone but didn’t know who to call.
I didn’t know how to voice the words that died in the pit of my clenched throat.
They tumbled like clothes in the vortex of a washing machine.
The numbers I pressed were never dialled.
Too afraid to let go of my pride.

Because, I wasn’t supposed to be the weak one.
I was the pillar that held everyone else.
I picked up the broken pieces and glued each delicate fracture together.
All your happiness were my smiles because I couldn’t produce my own.
Somewhere along the way, my threads started becoming undone.

When I lost myself in the abyss, almost too far to reach with a single hand.
Your words rescued me before it was too late.
All your warmth and all your concerns, made me remember
That I was never truly alone.
That the knife that was so close to piercing,
should never have broken through my walls.

You are my walls.
You protect me from all that’s wrong with the world.
Constantly reminding me that I am loved.
As I have always loved you. 

Thank you.