Every day is the same. Today follows the same patterns as the day before and the day before that.
I hate how mundane everything has become. I hate how cold it is. There is no warmth found anywhere.
Every night I sleep late because my mind is always restless. I try to put my feelings into words, secretly waiting for someone to help me. Because I don't know how to talk to my friends about problems. I feel bad for interrupting their good day with my depressing words.
But, no one understands the messages written in the lines. They think its just pretty poetry.
Let me make it clear: I am not that great as a writer. I just write what I feel because that's the only way I can express myself.
Today, someone said she wanted to help me by talking about my troubles. I wish it was that easy. I don't even know why I'm like this. How do I ask for help when I don't understand why everything is so boring? Everything is so mundane, so lifeless, so...so...Blah. Blah is the closest to describing how I feel.
The other day, my parents gave away the only constant in my life: My pet dog Yuki. Her name means snow in Japanese. I was learning Japanese when I got her and thought that the name suited her because Yuki is white and fragile as snow. Now, she really is like her name because snow always melts away and disappear out of my grasps.
Someone said that I didn't fight hard enough to keep Yuki. I felt like crying when he said that (funny how its always boys that make me cry). Its not true. I fought for years. My parents have been trying to get rid of her for around 2 years. I only let go this time because I felt that I needed to. My parents are leasing spare rooms in our house for people to live in. We need the money and my parents couldn't afford for Yuki to bother our future house mates. As the eldest daughter, I feel that I have never made any sacrifices for my family. This is the only thing I could do. But I'm glad at least that Yuki is going to a well off family that could take better care of her than I can. Also, my mother said that after we pay off our house, we could get Yuki back.
So its not good bye forever. But still, I'm lonely without my tiny fluff ball. She was my only light in this world of falling darkness. I miss her....
P.s. Sorry for my long rant
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