I hate how mundane everything has become. I hate how cold it is. There is no warmth found anywhere.
Every night I sleep late because my mind is always restless. I try to put my feelings into words, secretly waiting for someone to help me. Because I don't know how to talk to my friends about problems. I feel bad for interrupting their good day with my depressing words.
But, no one understands the messages written in the lines. They think its just pretty poetry.
Let me make it clear: I am not that great as a writer. I just write what I feel because that's the only way I can express myself.
Today, someone said she wanted to help me by talking about my troubles. I wish it was that easy. I don't even know why I'm like this. How do I ask for help when I don't understand why everything is so boring? Everything is so mundane, so lifeless, so...so...Blah. Blah is the closest to describing how I feel.
The other day, my parents gave away the only constant in my life: My pet dog Yuki. Her name means snow in Japanese. I was learning Japanese when I got her and thought that the name suited her because Yuki is white and fragile as snow. Now, she really is like her name because snow always melts away and disappear out of my grasps.
Someone said that I didn't fight hard enough to keep Yuki. I felt like crying when he said that (funny how its always boys that make me cry). Its not true. I fought for years. My parents have been trying to get rid of her for around 2 years. I only let go this time because I felt that I needed to. My parents are leasing spare rooms in our house for people to live in. We need the money and my parents couldn't afford for Yuki to bother our future house mates. As the eldest daughter, I feel that I have never made any sacrifices for my family. This is the only thing I could do. But I'm glad at least that Yuki is going to a well off family that could take better care of her than I can. Also, my mother said that after we pay off our house, we could get Yuki back.
So its not good bye forever. But still, I'm lonely without my tiny fluff ball. She was my only light in this world of falling darkness. I miss her....
P.s. Sorry for my long rant
4 comments:
What an adorable puppy. I'm sorry you had to let her go. Sometimes the sacrifices we make in life are not easy, but it was strong of you to do that. I know the feeling you describe here, I've been in that place. I was recently feeling that way and talking to someone did help. It didn't solve things but it did help. Different things work for different people so you'll have to do whats right for you.
@Eva: Thank you. I'll try to talk to someone. By the way, that's as big as Yuki will get. She's Chihuahua/Maltese.
Don't let them get to you. For some weird reason I have an idea of who might of said that. But I'm going to ignore that.
You know what you did and thats all that matters. I admire your sacrifice Lucy. With sacrifices come prizes. The prize can be anything and in this case it'll be getting Yuki back. Hold onto your memories.
Let time take control.
I got this new puppy from a friend, I am not sure what the breed was but it looked alot like the ones in the toilet tissue rolls ads. Anywho, I fought to keep him but I had to return him within a day of possession. All I have is that one significant memory of Rolly (name of dog) running happily in the backyard. And I will never forget it.
@Richard: Thank you^^
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