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Sunday, July 11, 2010

Open Closets and Secret Disappointments

Sunday, around 12am which means. . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEST FRIEND!!!! ^^

Anyway, into the main blog topic today. . .

Today (Saturday evening that is), after finishing the main course at my best friend's 18th birthday, he made an announcement. He was soo cute. His face was all red and he kept on stuttering and saying "ummm". But after 10 minutes, he finally said it because I suck at guessing with clues and hints.
He admitted aloud that he was a homosexual. . .

And I accepted it calmly because it doesn't change our friendship. He is still he. He is still my best friend and always will be. But it's hard for me to admit this but I was disappointed. And not that I have anything against homosexuals or anything but it's because of my own one-sided feelings. Because, there was this one point in time, years ago where I had a crush on him. It didn't last long but still I remembered why I developed those feelings.

It's because of a promise.
"I won't ever leave you alone"
I still held him for his words.
I wonder if he even remembers it: His own words. I guess in a way, I depend on my best friend a lot. He's always someone that's willing to listen to me. And he understands me well. To me, he was someone I could always come to while crying. Someone who is dependable despite his silly personality. Someone, I thought that will always be there. And maybe, someone who I could always be with. For a while, I thought that he secretly liked me. I guess I was too obnoxious and took his kindness for something else. So I felt secretly disappointed and kind of stupid when he announced his sexuality. But I'm happy for him because at least he knows who he is and no longer confused. Mostly, I'm happy because my best friend is still himself.

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