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Saturday, October 23, 2010

I got Him

I got Him

Behind the wood beaten door, I could feel the pounding of his fists. My finger twirl circles onto the tiles that send shivers up my spine. Cold. I fold up my knees and count the seconds that the clock tick away into the hours. Still, like an invisible connection, I know that he is on the other side of that door. It won’t open. I won’t unlock that door and walk into his arms. His arms that don’t belong to me. They never did and never will.

I hear a slight thump as he slides down onto the ground in defeat, ‘Emma, please open the door.’ I shake my head as though he could see me, ‘Never’. If I open the door, it would mean that we would continue on playing this game of pretend. I no longer want to play. We’re no longer children. Adults. And as adults, we should acknowledge that this game of chasies has gone for too long. Grow up. I wish he would grow up and decide whether to keep me or leave me. I’m not some pathetic puppy that he would return to after a date or a holiday. I’m a woman with a mind and heart. A heart that has been bashed about then mended only to be abandoned on the road repeatedly. I tire of this game of his, ‘Go home. Just go home.’ 

I press my left ear against the door and listen as he let out a defeated sigh and stand up, walking away with heavy footsteps. He’s gone. I scamper to open the door and run onto the hallway, crashing into walls and out onto the balcony. I watch as he drives away in his commodore. He’s gone. That was too easy. I can’t believe that he listened to me so willingly. In the end, it’s always her. I cannot win against her. Jessica. The girl that was everything to him. The girl that made him the man that he is now. The man that has come to be an important person in my life. I cannot intrude into that relationship. There is someone else for me. There is someone already waiting for me.

I pull out my mobile and press the familiar buttons for his number. A deep voice appears and I smile as I start to calm down. ‘Adrian, are you free? Can I see you?’ He mumbles a reply in his sleep laden state. I flick a glance at my watch: 6.30pm. I must have woken him up from his afternoon nap after hours of strumming on that guitar of his or belting away the life of his drums. His passion for music never ceases to amaze me. I laugh as a memory of one of our earliest conversations comes to mind: Since the age of ten, the guitar has been my lover. I return my mobile to the back pocket of my jeans as he groans, ‘I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.’

And he was there fifteen minutes on the dot. He pulls his lancer into our drive way and leans on the side of the car, waiting for me to slip into my heels. I giggle as he opens the door for me like a gentleman. He leans in for a kiss as I buckle my belt. I hesitate, what if Adrian smells his cologne lingering on my skin? Adrian lets out a long sigh and lays his head onto the steering wheel, he faces me with his eyes hurt, ‘You saw him today.’ It wasn’t a question but a statement. He knew. He always knows. How? As though he could read my mind, he answers, ‘Whenever he kisses you, I can’t. You hesitate or flinch away from me like I’m the plaque. I can smell his scent, it smothers your body and I hate that. I hate knowing that another man has touched you beside me.’

Guilty tears clench up my throat as I run my hand through his hair, ‘Adrian, I’m so sorry.’ I kiss his forehead and press my head against his, ‘It’s not going to happen again. It’s over.’ He sits up surprised and maybe a little something else. Relief. Tears run down my cheeks as my fingers clasp his shirt, ‘Adrian, its over. He’s gone. Game over.’ And he holds me tightly as he lets me cry over another man. He kisses my hair and buries me into his warmth, ‘Hush Emma, it’s going to be alright. You have me. I won’t walk away. I promise.’ I look up at him with my mascara stained eyes and smile into his kiss that tastes like chocolate, ‘I love you, you know that?’ He smiles proudly and motions me to get out of the car. From the boot of his car, he pulls out the guitar that was his “Lover”. His lips brush the tip of the guitar and he places it in my hand, ‘She now belongs to you because I don’t need two lovers. I only want you.’

Someone once told me that they wanted me to run from the man that hurt me. It took a long time but I finally did. Where will you go now? She asked later. I already knew the answer. Into the arms of someone who deserved me. Someone who will make me happy and smile every day. Because I promised myself that I won’t wait for anyone. And I didn’t. Adrian found me.

On that day that was almost like yesterday, he found me in the throng of so many others. He approached me with his quirky conversations and attention given to no one else. Smiling, he asked for my name while I forgot his in a matter of minutes. But left with a memory that will never be forgotten. Because he had me at “Hello”.


scattered-strings said...

It makes me long for my Adrian, someone so selfless and strong.

The Pursuit said...

That is awesome, I hope I can be to a girl what Adrian is to you.

Lovesick Fool said...

@The Pursuit: Thank you. I hope that there will be more men like that.

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