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Sunday, October 24, 2010

Love. Sex. Body.

Lately, I've been having discussions with people about sex, love and the body. Different people have different opinions on such matters. And over time, those views may change but I know that the media has a heavy influence on teens and young adults. For good or for worse.

That word has a different definition for everyone but it's something we all want at one point in our lives. From observing people around me, I know that a hell lot of young adults drift from one relationship to another and in a span of one year they could have at least 5 partners. The word Love is quite complex and yet at the same time very vague. It could be applied to anyone and at the same time only one person. There are people who walk around and speak it so casually than there are the people who cannot for the life of them utter that four letter word.

Because of my interest in romance as Literature, I've read many novels. And some of them speak of "Love at first sight". Is such a thing possible? Is it possible to meet someone for the first time and instantly know that you want to spend the rest of your life with them? And what about that fictional character that every 7 year old girl dreams of: Prince Charming. Does he exist? Or do all men think alike? I think Literature and films have raised the standards of many girls. They give girls images of the "Perfect man", whether that is a sparkly vampire or a muscular werewolf or an out of this world superhuman; those images are hard for real men to compete with. But that works both ways. The media heavily influence men with their viewpoint of women but I will talk about that later.

With this ever growing world, views on sex and intimacy are always changing. There was once a time where people used to only have intercourse with their wife/husband but now we live in a time period where even 12 year old girls get pregnant. I don't know about you, but I find it very strange for my 9 year old brother to be talking about and I quote "Boobs", "D*icks" and "Vaginas". Is there not something wrong with this picture? Or is it just me?

The media really makes as though sex is not a big deal any more. Casual sex seems to be a norm in this society, along with alcohol. Drunken one-night-stands are also a regular on TV dramas and what not. It really devalues long stable relationships. I know that there are many people my age who are no longer virgins and may look down on me. A couple of weeks ago my 15 year old brother asked me, "How come you didn't want to lose your virginity in high school?" I was quite shocked with this question. It's quite ironic but my younger brother has more experience with relationships than I do but my answer is always the same, "I didn't want to give it to some loser who will most likely break up with me in a few months."

Now I know, many people don't view their virginity as something important and my opinion is very old fashioned and maybe even lame to some people but I'm not going to change it. And I won't force you to change yours. Each to their own. But to me, my body is precious and I'm not going to let just anyone touch it. Especially someone who doesn't respect me. If I don't respect myself first, who will?

Teenagers and young adults are easily influenced by the media and others surrounding them. It puts pressure on both girls and boys to be "Perfect". A little fat on the side could be received by snickers and criticism and it lowers self-esteem. All over TV and magazines, are photographs of insanely thin women or photoshoped images of people so beautiful that it's not real. Nevertheless, both girls and boys strive to become those artificial people. Girls want to be slim and have big cleavage and boys want to be tall and muscular. This leads to excessive exercise and less eating. Less eating and less eating until some don't even eat at all. This causes eating disorders.

Ugly. That word is feared by girls and by everyone. No one wants to be called ugly. Some believe that they are ugly just because their body don't fit the social norm. But the body of the social norm is not the healthy body. And healthy is cared less about compared to fitting in. I know that many people don't believe this but it really is what's in the inside that counts.

And dear readers, I may not know you personally but I believe everyone is beautiful. No one deserves to be called ugly. So don't call yourself that as we tend to be our own worse critic. You are beautiful and if someone tells you otherwise, you can punch them in the face!!! No I kid, don't but seriously, if someone calls you ugly than just walk away. Don't let those words hurt you.

Because you deserve more.


Barry said...

My response was too long to send at once, so I'll break it down into three separate comments...


I'm a very emotional person, most of my poetry and short stories are based on romantic themes and relationships. Yet as much as I profess to be a romantic I'm part realist as well. I tend not to believe in love at first sight, although I'm sure there are couples whose experience would show me otherwise. I don't believe we all have one soulmate. It's hard to believe that in a world of six billion plus people there's just ONE person we're meant to be with. Funny how that "soulmate" just happens in almost all cases to be conveniently found geographically close to us.

Still, I think love is the most important emotion we can possess and is as vital to our well-being as air. I think, especially as you've stated with young adults drifting from partner to partner, people are often not looking so much for love than for what it brings: acceptance. Finding someone who strongly feels something towards us is a tremendous form of validation. It tells us we're worth knowing and have something special inside us. It's an indescribable feeling, probably the most amazing thing in the world to be loved by another. I love love.

Barry said...


In some ways I'm in agreement with you here, in some ways it's not so much that I disagree as my views towards sex are a bit more...indulgent. I'll explain.

First, I'm extremely happy to read your views on virginity. If I can say so I'm rather proud of you for feeling this way. I've had many conversations about sex with girls and women over the past year, I'm always interested to hear different views through their eyes. Recently I spoke with a woman in her late twenties who is still a virgin and looks at it as something to be ashamed of, a big secret she keeps as if there's something wrong with her. Had she wanted to lose it years ago she could have, but she wants to wait until the right person comes along and she's in a steady relationship. How can that be wrong? I have another friend in her early twenties who has held onto her virginity despite her boyfriend wanting to sleep with her. She's waiting until the time is right for HER. I love her for this.

To me the way they feel is very admirable. It saddens me that so many girls look at virginity as something to get rid of as soon as they can. You only have one first time, I think it should be special for everyone female or male. In case you're curious I didn't lose my virginity until I was 23, and I look back on that night fondly. It was great.

I've never believed sex is something that should be reserved for marriage, although I respect the right for others to feel this way. I even have no issue with people having casual sex, PROVIDED they're mature enough to know what their expectations are and what they're getting into. So many people are having sex too early. Far too many girls have had their hearts broken by boys or men leading them on for the sole purpose of sleeping with them as just another conquest.

Barry said...


The media is poisonous when it comes to influencing how we feel about ourselves. You make a good point about health being emphasized less than looking good. I think what women don't realize is that most men aren't as demanding of a certain body type as the media would have them believe. I mean really, when we look around at couples walking down the street we see many overweight people with partners. Having extra pounds does not make you unlovable or unattractive. Honestly I think deep down most people know this but it's a constant battle when being told otherwise every day.

Admittedly I'm wildly attracted to certain body types, and yes most of us men enjoy looking at women with swimsuit-model figures. But it's an almost impossible standard to attain. I've come to find over the years, and understand today more than ever, that beauty is more on the inside than what people see on the outside. To me a woman who loves herself and is confident showing that to others is the sexiest thing around, no matter what her body type. All women are beautiful in some way.

Lovesick Fool said...

@Barry: Thank you, your comments have been very insightful. =)

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