So I somewhat have a date this Friday.
Because its with a friend. Piano man. And I don't think that its a serious date. Not much different to our normal hanging out is what I'm thinking. My cousin was making a really big deal out of it since I haven't been on a date since last year. I don't want my family to be too excited just yet. I don't think that its going the way they want it.
Actually, I have no idea where its going at all.
I don't know what is going inside that mind of his.
Or maybe I'm not allowing myself to think of possibilities. Because I don't want to have my hopes up high only to be disappointed once again. Just like last time. And the time before that. And the time before that. Every time, I think that I have a chance I only end up being hurt. It's really tiring always being the loser at this game.
I'm such a cruel woman.
I'm leading him on and giving him mixed signals but I don't think that I even like him. I like the attention that he's giving me. I don't feel lonely when I'm with him. But I hate how easily he says that he'll always be there. How many men have said that now? I've lost count. I want to push him away. Because he's a sweet guy. Because he deserves more than what I can offer. Because I'm afraid.
And I don't know if I want this to go anywhere.
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