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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I don't know

So I somewhat have a date this Friday.
Because its with a friend. Piano man. And I don't think that its a serious date. Not much different to our normal hanging out is what I'm thinking. My cousin was making a really big deal out of it since I haven't been on a date since last year. I don't want my family to be too excited just yet. I don't think that its going the way they want it.

Actually, I have no idea where its going at all.
I don't know what is going inside that mind of his.

Or maybe I'm not allowing myself to think of possibilities. Because I don't want to have my hopes up high only to be disappointed once again. Just like last time. And the time before that. And the time before that. Every time, I think that I have a chance I only end up being hurt. It's really tiring always being the loser at this game.

I'm such a cruel woman.
I'm leading him on and giving him mixed signals but I don't think that I even like him. I like the attention that he's giving me. I don't feel lonely when I'm with him. But I hate how easily he says that he'll always be there. How many men have said that now? I've lost count. I want to push him away. Because he's a sweet guy. Because he deserves more than what I can offer. Because I'm afraid.

And I don't know if I want this to go anywhere.


bakayabi said...

Well, maybe he just wants to do something for Christmas?

bakayabi said...

Don't overthink it to the point that you get headaches.

Safiaaaaa said...

just wait and see what happens :) it might be better then you expect

Ana* said...

Just go with it and have fun. You have a lot to offer, you just haven't found the right guy and that's absolutely ok.

Vencora said...

it's true that the best we can do is try not to overthink these things. showing encouragement while trying to see where things go is not the same as leading someone on. it's perfectly okay if neither or you know what you want from this yet. and keeping lines of communication open will keep anyone from getting scathed to badly, i think.

vintch said...

just found your lovely blog through sweet Ana, and i'm happy to follow along:) go for it on this date/hangout/meeting, whatever you want to call it. from just reading a few posts, you sound like a lovely, lovely person and i have no doubts this piano man is stricken. dream big, friend, and big things will come your way! happy tuesday!

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