Hello Lovesick fools ^^
I am happy to present to you my first guest blogger, Jodi from You Don't Want To Read This. She is a delightful person who has experienced many things in life and like many of us, she is still trying to figure things out. Many things are still left unknown or untitled. So whenever you're free, please visit her. I highly recommend it.^^--------------------------------------
I pushed him away, and then told him that I wasn’t interested in any of the things that he wanted. “I think that we should just keep things casual…. Like you said to begin with ‘you don’t want anything serious’ and the more that I think about it, neither do I”. After that, so many things went unsaid, feelings covered up; masked with carefree attitudes and pure lust. I had no idea at the time that one sentence could ruin my entire world.
Hours, days, and then months; we spent all of our time together. Dark and mysterious, he took my curiosity to his advantage and lured me in like a cave hidden in the middle of the woods, and little did I know I would never make it out; I would be lost in him forever. I wandered that cave aimlessly and discovered the wonders of his personality, things that no one else would ever be able to find. Soon, all that I wanted to do was stay in that time and explore the depths of who he was; I wanted to be the first to discover all of the uncharted territories of his mind and his soul. So there I was, lost in him, not looking for a way out.
“What do you mean you changed your mind? You can’t just change your mind like that. You said that I was right and that the only way that things would work is if we kept things casual. What happened to ‘love doesn’t work, life isn’t some fairy tale’? You’re the one that didn’t want this, that didn’t want us.”
“Fine, forget that I said anything.”
He held me that night and for the first time it felt like we were hundreds of miles apart. I was what he wanted, and now he is what I want but we’re both stuck. I can see him in the distance, he isn’t moving, he isn’t trying, and he’s just standing still. I can’t find a way to get to him, I’ve tried every possible path and I just keep getting lost and finding myself further away. I need him to move, maybe if he tries to come to me, I can meet him halfway. For days I scream at him, hoping that he can hear me from far away ‘I need you to come to me. I’m ready, and we can make this work.’ He hears every word that I say, and he wants to try but there was something getting in the way that I couldn’t see. And no matter how much he wanted it, or how hard he tried, he would always be tied down by that one sentence; those few words strung together played over and over again in his mind. He wanted me, and I wanted him, but now it’s too late. So I lay there that night and closed my eyes. I listened to him breathe and I inhaled the lingering scent of his cologne on his sheets. I wanted to memorize every little detail about that moment, my last moment with him.